Life's Lessons

Amidst all the failures I have been through , at some point I ponder to myself. I ask is this happening to me? But I could not blame God about everything. I graduated last October 2006 took Bachelor of Science in Nursing at Liceo de Cagayan University of Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines. My father died last August of 2005 because of diabetes mellitus complications and my brother took the nursing local board exam in that time and guess what? he made it. During his oath taking I ask myself and I quote "Can I be like him as registered nurse in the Philippines"? There is to much pressure that I instill because I wanted to become a registered nurse as soon as possible and help our mother and my younger sister pinky who is also taking nursing. When the exams came I was exhausted because of too much expectations from my family to become a nurse like my brother. Furthermore, results came out my name wasn't there. In that moment, I started to cry with pain that I could not understand it. My mother comforted me but I was hesitant. I was thinking then to commit suicide. At that time I lost my faith, confidence, pride and every dreams that I dreamt of becoming like my brother. In addition, no matter what I try to relieve myself about everything I still remember the devastation's that brought to me. Moreover, I took the exams time and again still I never made it. It was quite sad because I see myself worthless, useless and inferior. However, I told myself life should go on. I don't care what people think about me or say about anything. Even now I am having a hard time to find a job. I'm totally jobless. I know God is my maker I always pray for the purposes and plans that he will give to my life. All I know it is not the end of the world. I can be more productive on what I'm good at. This is my life's lessons that I need to mature on whatever trials or challenges that may arise. I know God will not forbade nor forsake me. My future is in his hands I should not worry about it......